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The Strangest Day
Oct. 6th, 2009 | 10:21 pm
mood: 
amused
This was probably one of the strangest days at a job ever.
If no one knows by now , I am working at a salon a little bit aways from my house. well about a 30 minute drive really.
So as the day starts I was planning on paying bills right away, but making sure that it wasnt busy when I first got there.
Now only a few people on here know me in RL. So this is for you who know my physical reactions to most everything since I am a very animated person.
Well I go out to head back into the car to go pay bills. Well.. a woman maybe 25-30 years of age suddenly runs across the street. She is physically shaken and crying. Hysterical would be a better word for it.. Half of her face is black and blue ; older bruises , and comes to be and asks if she can use the phone. I of course am worried about her and have her come in and give her the phone. Lisa the owner whom I work with most of the week is suddenly worried about this woman also.
So this woman,whom is crying and shaking takes the phone and calls up whom ever she was going to call. I though it would be the police because of how badly she looks, but she doesnt..
Instead I hear her say" I need you to pick me up at 5 elements the salon down the street.. No no.. I STABBED HIM! I FUCKING STABBEB HIM!" she listens for a minute and says ok, still crying and trembling.
Lisa's eyes bug out of her head , looking like a deer caught in the headlights. I physically still where I am and try not to gawk at what I am hearing.
Suddenly Lisa asks." Are you thirsty? Would you like a coke?" and this woman sits down in a chair ,speaking a quick yes. SO now she has a drink and I dont know wtf to do. Lisa tries to tell her toc all the police but this woman says. " Its ok.. He is on parole, so nothing will happen." But then she gets the idea to call her house and askes a roomate how her bf is doing. Since apparently this is the person she stabbed. SHe calms down a little and after hanging up she says.." I didn't use a knife, It was a an ice pick. I just snaped. He has a knife in his and was comming at me and I didnt want to get hurt again".
Well I take her out side after that and calm her down, talking with her and whatnot. After a while she is laughing and her ride comes and picks her up. A woman who yells from the middle of the street in her car tellingt this reciently violent woman to get in the car.
At this time Lisa's mother and grandmother are there and ask me what happened outside and I tell them. Well they are there for a while then leave to grab some food. About and hour later while there is a client there Lisa's mother and grandmother come back , hustling through the door and both say a little loudly" There is a guy outside with a knife walking back and forth infront of the stores here!!" Lisa peeks outside and yep, there is a guy with a knife. She quickly lick the door and us inside until he leaves.
Amazing huh? That is the Shocking part of the day.. now this is the Hilarious part.
During that time The phone rings and a man speaks, He asks.. " do you do waxing?" and of course I say yes and tell him the price of our usual waxing. Then he asks.. How much for a Bikini wax... I try not to stumble my words.. Now let me tell you. I do live in Southern California but not in the more populated areas like L.A or Orange County and what not where this would be more usual. So of course I say yes because I know this area and I know the reluctence of the snobby redneck salons.
All the while Lisa and a client and her mother and grandmother are listening with their mouths open as I put the appointment down for this man.
So I get a couple clients while I wait and my Male Bikini hair removal appointment comes in, He is 40 minutes early and seeming nervous as hell.
When I am done with my haircuts I finish up preparing in a private room for this man and he is so nervious. Inside I am laughing but I have to keep my composure, I am a Professional! So he jerks his pants down ,following his jail colored grey and white striped underoos before he hops onto the reclining chair.
Now I have never done a bikini wax. I have tried to get people to get them done. For me its fun, and I am a sadist so... it fullfills so many needs in one. I mean come on.. who doesnt like to rip hair on someones body, Expecialy down .... ' There". *snorkles*(snort,chuckle).
As I start to prepare the "area" I notice that this poor guy is extremely nervous. He is Trembling. I could almost hear the sweat dripping from his temples. Then I start to apply the hot wax to his more senstive areas, getting the main bulk first. I had to do a little trimming here and there because it was too long but he was pretty hairless around his "Jewels". WHile I am doing this I am asking hims questions and such.
Apparently, his wife wanted him to get a Waxing down there and he had called several salons and no one would accept him as a client for the Bikini Waxing for a Man.
you See.. I am a Equal Oppertunity kind of person. If someone wants something done to them, and if I can help, well Golly Ge! I will Help them!!
As it goes on and he begins to relax he starts to comment on how suprised it doesnt hurt... Well.. At this time this is when he starts to" Get a little hard" and quickly he appologizes while I wrangles his " Peter" with my wrist to rip off some unruley pubic hairs... BTW let me tell you a joke.. What do you call an adolesent Rabbit? A Pubic Hare!! Har Har Har..
It goes on for maybe 10 more minutes and I am finially done.. patting his stuff down with some baby powder for less chance of chafing and tell him he should not worry if he gets any smal water blisters and just to put some neosporin on it and aloe to cool any itching and rash problems since it his first time...
He is slightly embaressed but takes my advice and quickly puts on his underoos and pants then hustles his feet into his shoes and leaves after paying. Of course I had to tel everyone after he left because they were all curious how it went ,, you can image all of the chicken laging( a salon is like a chicken coop.. lots of bawking with a group of females).
So that was my day.. Other then the little bits of giggling and laughing.. It was good. But STRANGE..
If no one knows by now , I am working at a salon a little bit aways from my house. well about a 30 minute drive really.
So as the day starts I was planning on paying bills right away, but making sure that it wasnt busy when I first got there.
Now only a few people on here know me in RL. So this is for you who know my physical reactions to most everything since I am a very animated person.
Well I go out to head back into the car to go pay bills. Well.. a woman maybe 25-30 years of age suddenly runs across the street. She is physically shaken and crying. Hysterical would be a better word for it.. Half of her face is black and blue ; older bruises , and comes to be and asks if she can use the phone. I of course am worried about her and have her come in and give her the phone. Lisa the owner whom I work with most of the week is suddenly worried about this woman also.
So this woman,whom is crying and shaking takes the phone and calls up whom ever she was going to call. I though it would be the police because of how badly she looks, but she doesnt..
Instead I hear her say" I need you to pick me up at 5 elements the salon down the street.. No no.. I STABBED HIM! I FUCKING STABBEB HIM!" she listens for a minute and says ok, still crying and trembling.
Lisa's eyes bug out of her head , looking like a deer caught in the headlights. I physically still where I am and try not to gawk at what I am hearing.
Suddenly Lisa asks." Are you thirsty? Would you like a coke?" and this woman sits down in a chair ,speaking a quick yes. SO now she has a drink and I dont know wtf to do. Lisa tries to tell her toc all the police but this woman says. " Its ok.. He is on parole, so nothing will happen." But then she gets the idea to call her house and askes a roomate how her bf is doing. Since apparently this is the person she stabbed. SHe calms down a little and after hanging up she says.." I didn't use a knife, It was a an ice pick. I just snaped. He has a knife in his and was comming at me and I didnt want to get hurt again".
Well I take her out side after that and calm her down, talking with her and whatnot. After a while she is laughing and her ride comes and picks her up. A woman who yells from the middle of the street in her car tellingt this reciently violent woman to get in the car.
At this time Lisa's mother and grandmother are there and ask me what happened outside and I tell them. Well they are there for a while then leave to grab some food. About and hour later while there is a client there Lisa's mother and grandmother come back , hustling through the door and both say a little loudly" There is a guy outside with a knife walking back and forth infront of the stores here!!" Lisa peeks outside and yep, there is a guy with a knife. She quickly lick the door and us inside until he leaves.
Amazing huh? That is the Shocking part of the day.. now this is the Hilarious part.
During that time The phone rings and a man speaks, He asks.. " do you do waxing?" and of course I say yes and tell him the price of our usual waxing. Then he asks.. How much for a Bikini wax... I try not to stumble my words.. Now let me tell you. I do live in Southern California but not in the more populated areas like L.A or Orange County and what not where this would be more usual. So of course I say yes because I know this area and I know the reluctence of the snobby redneck salons.
All the while Lisa and a client and her mother and grandmother are listening with their mouths open as I put the appointment down for this man.
So I get a couple clients while I wait and my Male Bikini hair removal appointment comes in, He is 40 minutes early and seeming nervous as hell.
When I am done with my haircuts I finish up preparing in a private room for this man and he is so nervious. Inside I am laughing but I have to keep my composure, I am a Professional! So he jerks his pants down ,following his jail colored grey and white striped underoos before he hops onto the reclining chair.
Now I have never done a bikini wax. I have tried to get people to get them done. For me its fun, and I am a sadist so... it fullfills so many needs in one. I mean come on.. who doesnt like to rip hair on someones body, Expecialy down .... ' There". *snorkles*(snort,chuckle).
As I start to prepare the "area" I notice that this poor guy is extremely nervous. He is Trembling. I could almost hear the sweat dripping from his temples. Then I start to apply the hot wax to his more senstive areas, getting the main bulk first. I had to do a little trimming here and there because it was too long but he was pretty hairless around his "Jewels". WHile I am doing this I am asking hims questions and such.
Apparently, his wife wanted him to get a Waxing down there and he had called several salons and no one would accept him as a client for the Bikini Waxing for a Man.
you See.. I am a Equal Oppertunity kind of person. If someone wants something done to them, and if I can help, well Golly Ge! I will Help them!!
As it goes on and he begins to relax he starts to comment on how suprised it doesnt hurt... Well.. At this time this is when he starts to" Get a little hard" and quickly he appologizes while I wrangles his " Peter" with my wrist to rip off some unruley pubic hairs... BTW let me tell you a joke.. What do you call an adolesent Rabbit? A Pubic Hare!! Har Har Har..
It goes on for maybe 10 more minutes and I am finially done.. patting his stuff down with some baby powder for less chance of chafing and tell him he should not worry if he gets any smal water blisters and just to put some neosporin on it and aloe to cool any itching and rash problems since it his first time...
He is slightly embaressed but takes my advice and quickly puts on his underoos and pants then hustles his feet into his shoes and leaves after paying. Of course I had to tel everyone after he left because they were all curious how it went ,, you can image all of the chicken laging( a salon is like a chicken coop.. lots of bawking with a group of females).
So that was my day.. Other then the little bits of giggling and laughing.. It was good. But STRANGE..
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WTF..Seriously.
Oct. 2nd, 2009 | 08:41 pm
mood: 
bitchy
About three weeks ago I went ahead and applied for a position for " Ross dress for less". It wasn't a bad idea. I mean I need a job and there was a new store opening near me.
So I was glad when I recieved a call back for an interview for the store. I was told to come in on a tuesday between 9 am and 2 pm. By the time I did get there which was 9:30 am in the morning. There was a huge line . One that was wraped from the middle of the store to on corner and infront of the store's windows.
I had dressed up accordingly, in a nicde professional way. Makeup the whole shabang and.. I waited 4 hours that day to get one fricking interview. That wasn't that bad part.. its still comming. LoL.
While I wait there in this abnoxiouly long line, I start to notice small things.. People not dressed as if they were going to an ' Interview' Dressed in jeans and t-shirts, stains etc. Then I begin to hear that at lest 1/2 of the people there just saw the line or was told by other people that there were interviews being held and they werre getting interviews. Including people who decided to cut in the massive line to the front.
The managers who were doing the individual interviews suddenly decided that they wanted to start to do fricking group interviews. I have had the great and horrible oppertunity to go through one of these group interviews only a week and a half before at another store. So right away while I was finialy towards the front of the line, these wonderful Individual interviews were clumped together to make it faster for the managers to go through the constantly elongating line of people.
Then as I get into one of the 6 seats for the interview we were asked questions, a couple but it was better then the last time I was in one of these moronic experiences in finding a job.
As I speak with the managers comparing myself to the other 5 people around me I notice , 1, that I am one of the few people who have real experience with customer service minus one person who was an 18-19 year old kid who had construction experience and was a bit more outspoken.
I thought I did fairly well. Alas, it seems that I didnt do well enough. For today as I was going to a Super Target for some home supplies I notice that the new" Ross" store has a bunch of cars infront of it. I see empty clothying racks and cash registers and the such there though there are no items hanging anywhere, clothing , hand bags,furniture.. and so on.
So while I get back in the car when I am done getting necessities, I go back towards the New ROss store and I see a man walking out in a blue shirt and black slacks. I am guessing he was a manager, And I was right. He was a district manager. I asked him a few questions on what was going on and he tol dme it was 'orientation day' and that I should apply online if I want a job. Of course I tol dhim I applied and had an interview. He recommended that I call a " Conney" up from the other store or try and call the number listed now for thie new store which had just been put up for the public.
That is exactly what I did. First I called the other store that was in Victorevill. Apparently Conney was a manager there and now is a manager for the new Ross Location. I get informed that ( and this is by another manager at that store in VictoreVille) That he doesnt have the number to that store. So that means it isnt public. I hang up on the Dumbfuck and call information and Lo and Behold I get the Number.
That is when I get ahold of Conney and let me tell you I am in a mood. It was sour as it was knowing that some of the people who didnt even apply for the job probably got hired. While I speak to this " Conney" who apparently remember my name but doesnt remember me so muchso I ask her." WHy did I not get hired?" It was somewhat funny to hear how someone who is suppose to be in charge suddenly doesnt know what to do when someone is frank with her in why they were not hired for .. 1 of the 100 position for the new store.. Yes I said,.. 100 positions. I thought I had a great chance. Obviously I didn't. For she was saying she didnt know why I wasnt hired. Then this is when I explained that I wasnt happy that I was called in for a said interview and waiting 4 hours for it for one of the 100 positions and being put in a group interview while people were just comming off of the street . I asked her if she can find out why I was not Hired. Al she could say was that she would have to ask oneof the other managers.
SO here I am ranting and frustrated with the whole job finding business. I do have a job. I am working for commissions as a hairstylist working 12-13 hours a day for less the minimum wage because I give 1/2 of my profits to the owner because that is the only way I can make money in this economey.
Its a Lovely day in the High Desert of Southern California.
So I was glad when I recieved a call back for an interview for the store. I was told to come in on a tuesday between 9 am and 2 pm. By the time I did get there which was 9:30 am in the morning. There was a huge line . One that was wraped from the middle of the store to on corner and infront of the store's windows.
I had dressed up accordingly, in a nicde professional way. Makeup the whole shabang and.. I waited 4 hours that day to get one fricking interview. That wasn't that bad part.. its still comming. LoL.
While I wait there in this abnoxiouly long line, I start to notice small things.. People not dressed as if they were going to an ' Interview' Dressed in jeans and t-shirts, stains etc. Then I begin to hear that at lest 1/2 of the people there just saw the line or was told by other people that there were interviews being held and they werre getting interviews. Including people who decided to cut in the massive line to the front.
The managers who were doing the individual interviews suddenly decided that they wanted to start to do fricking group interviews. I have had the great and horrible oppertunity to go through one of these group interviews only a week and a half before at another store. So right away while I was finialy towards the front of the line, these wonderful Individual interviews were clumped together to make it faster for the managers to go through the constantly elongating line of people.
Then as I get into one of the 6 seats for the interview we were asked questions, a couple but it was better then the last time I was in one of these moronic experiences in finding a job.
As I speak with the managers comparing myself to the other 5 people around me I notice , 1, that I am one of the few people who have real experience with customer service minus one person who was an 18-19 year old kid who had construction experience and was a bit more outspoken.
I thought I did fairly well. Alas, it seems that I didnt do well enough. For today as I was going to a Super Target for some home supplies I notice that the new" Ross" store has a bunch of cars infront of it. I see empty clothying racks and cash registers and the such there though there are no items hanging anywhere, clothing , hand bags,furniture.. and so on.
So while I get back in the car when I am done getting necessities, I go back towards the New ROss store and I see a man walking out in a blue shirt and black slacks. I am guessing he was a manager, And I was right. He was a district manager. I asked him a few questions on what was going on and he tol dme it was 'orientation day' and that I should apply online if I want a job. Of course I tol dhim I applied and had an interview. He recommended that I call a " Conney" up from the other store or try and call the number listed now for thie new store which had just been put up for the public.
That is exactly what I did. First I called the other store that was in Victorevill. Apparently Conney was a manager there and now is a manager for the new Ross Location. I get informed that ( and this is by another manager at that store in VictoreVille) That he doesnt have the number to that store. So that means it isnt public. I hang up on the Dumbfuck and call information and Lo and Behold I get the Number.
That is when I get ahold of Conney and let me tell you I am in a mood. It was sour as it was knowing that some of the people who didnt even apply for the job probably got hired. While I speak to this " Conney" who apparently remember my name but doesnt remember me so muchso I ask her." WHy did I not get hired?" It was somewhat funny to hear how someone who is suppose to be in charge suddenly doesnt know what to do when someone is frank with her in why they were not hired for .. 1 of the 100 position for the new store.. Yes I said,.. 100 positions. I thought I had a great chance. Obviously I didn't. For she was saying she didnt know why I wasnt hired. Then this is when I explained that I wasnt happy that I was called in for a said interview and waiting 4 hours for it for one of the 100 positions and being put in a group interview while people were just comming off of the street . I asked her if she can find out why I was not Hired. Al she could say was that she would have to ask oneof the other managers.
SO here I am ranting and frustrated with the whole job finding business. I do have a job. I am working for commissions as a hairstylist working 12-13 hours a day for less the minimum wage because I give 1/2 of my profits to the owner because that is the only way I can make money in this economey.
Its a Lovely day in the High Desert of Southern California.
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Eyebrow Threading!
Aug. 20th, 2009 | 07:55 pm
mood: 
bouncy
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Apartheid at Islamic Schools
Aug. 20th, 2009 | 02:34 am
mood: 
disappointed
http://www.nisnews.nl/public/18080_2.ht
It seems that this school has similar beliefs as many evangelical christians.
It seems that this school has similar beliefs as many evangelical christians.
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Demonoid Help!
Aug. 4th, 2009 | 07:47 pm
If anyone has a demonoid.com Invite code. Please send my way via e-mail.
kult.of.visualkei@gmail.com
I have been looking for one for the last couple of months since the open regristrations have been closed.
Thanks
kult.of.visualkei@gmail.com
I have been looking for one for the last couple of months since the open regristrations have been closed.
Thanks
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What am I??????!!!!
Mar. 2nd, 2009 | 07:55 pm
mood: 
sad
........................................Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
............................
Feb. 3rd, 2009 | 11:10 pm
mood: 
drained
I wish I had the power to grow hair instantly so I could pull mine out by the grip load.
The stress I have right now is just escalating and I have no way of calming it . Having the feeling of anger and frustration so severe where you have to hold it all in because if you don't you there will be an enormous amount of damage to your house or others that ............
it just drains you emotionally that having a good nights rest makes it feel as if you haven't slept in days and when you eat ,when finialy your hungry enough that you can eat, that when you do it makes your stomach turn into knots for hours on end. Being on the verge of tears and not wanting to let them loose is horrible.
I don't know what to do...Nothing is going how it should.
I really need some kind of break.
The stress I have right now is just escalating and I have no way of calming it . Having the feeling of anger and frustration so severe where you have to hold it all in because if you don't you there will be an enormous amount of damage to your house or others that ............
it just drains you emotionally that having a good nights rest makes it feel as if you haven't slept in days and when you eat ,when finialy your hungry enough that you can eat, that when you do it makes your stomach turn into knots for hours on end. Being on the verge of tears and not wanting to let them loose is horrible.
I don't know what to do...Nothing is going how it should.
I really need some kind of break.
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Feburary-March
Feb. 1st, 2009 | 10:24 pm
mood: 
stressed
The next month and a half is going to be a very hard one. Moving twice most likely , from perhaps one state to another to another but hopefully I will only have to go to one state.
Trying to figure out certain necessities that I will need during this time. I will need clothes.. which I now have much but sadly since moving I have gained weight so only certain things fit alright without being 'snug'. Then there are my pets. Going to leave them again, which is going to be hard.
Trying to figure out how I will be able to fly back and forth a couple times if not more this next year.
Needing to find work right away which I know will not be as easy but I plan to use my cosmetology license this time which may give me an a much better foot in the door with less hours even at lower prices for people that will probably give me more money period then just having a regular 9 dollar an hour job at full time.
Look into additional education that I hope will help me for the future.
Paying off certain debts that sadly I would not mind paying off if I did have a hand in them.
Medical stuff that I will have because of long needed checkups that I haven't been able to go through.
Thinking about hurting someone who cares for me when I leave,but they do not need me around as company or as a personal helper.
I really just need a magical wand or a fairy godmother or something to just make everything be Ok.
Trying to figure out certain necessities that I will need during this time. I will need clothes.. which I now have much but sadly since moving I have gained weight so only certain things fit alright without being 'snug'. Then there are my pets. Going to leave them again, which is going to be hard.
Trying to figure out how I will be able to fly back and forth a couple times if not more this next year.
Needing to find work right away which I know will not be as easy but I plan to use my cosmetology license this time which may give me an a much better foot in the door with less hours even at lower prices for people that will probably give me more money period then just having a regular 9 dollar an hour job at full time.
Look into additional education that I hope will help me for the future.
Paying off certain debts that sadly I would not mind paying off if I did have a hand in them.
Medical stuff that I will have because of long needed checkups that I haven't been able to go through.
Thinking about hurting someone who cares for me when I leave,but they do not need me around as company or as a personal helper.
I really just need a magical wand or a fairy godmother or something to just make everything be Ok.
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Fortune and Misfortune
Jan. 31st, 2009 | 05:12 pm
mood: bitchy
Have you ever noticed when you have any semblance of a good money situation , people (friends) are everywhere. They help you do whatever they can for you and in payment you do the same.
Then in the next instance when there is no good fortune on your side many of those so called friends leave but when you happen to get better onto your feet or looks like it, those same people suddenly come rushing back. Sadly that at times tend to be blood family and so called long time friends. Not all but I have come to the conclusions it is better to have an adopted family sometimes then real. And with friends. You truely know who they are when tough times come and go.
Only the most sincere deserve anything.
Bah!.. is all I have to say.... BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH .. sheep sounding or not.
Then in the next instance when there is no good fortune on your side many of those so called friends leave but when you happen to get better onto your feet or looks like it, those same people suddenly come rushing back. Sadly that at times tend to be blood family and so called long time friends. Not all but I have come to the conclusions it is better to have an adopted family sometimes then real. And with friends. You truely know who they are when tough times come and go.
Only the most sincere deserve anything.
Bah!.. is all I have to say.... BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH .. sheep sounding or not.
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(no subject)
Jan. 23rd, 2009 | 01:58 pm
I feel like a total Tool sometimes..*sighs* Like some dog ..
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Oh My Head!
Jan. 19th, 2009 | 07:59 pm
mood: 
uncomfortable
The last couple of days I have had these lightening quick headaches. More so today and constantly for several minutes at a time. Have been trying to figure out what is going on with this. Took an asprin and it didn't do anything to relieve the pain...
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Limbo
Jan. 16th, 2009 | 10:38 am
At the moment I am in Limbo. Not sure what will be happening. I have two directions that lead me to two very different places in my life right now. One Old and something I am use too.. another then I know but that is still new. There are so many routes to go but what would make me happy is the place where I am not sure I am wanted while the other I know I am. When there are so many questions to ask that cant be asked or things to say...
In about 15 days there will be a big change.. or it is something that I am expecting.. So all of this.... *sigh* Just trying to stay as positive with the situation I am in right now without knowing what will be happening.
In about 15 days there will be a big change.. or it is something that I am expecting.. So all of this.... *sigh* Just trying to stay as positive with the situation I am in right now without knowing what will be happening.
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Shoot Me....
Jan. 14th, 2009 | 11:10 am
mood: 
sick
Since saturday night..the 10th of janurary I have had either a stomach flu which I would think would not last this long or a mild case of food poisoning. Havent had much to eat the last 5 days. Too sick to my stomach and other parts of me that that feel like crap. *flails around* I just want to sleep but cant!..May try and lay down in a little bit just to try and rest.
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Thank you...
Jan. 12th, 2009 | 02:15 am
mood: 
anxious
Yeah,life throws you for loops sometimes. Good or bad or just unexpected it goes how it goes.
Every once in a while I have spoken to someone who has confirmed alot of things for me. Mostly its me trying to cop with my bi polar problems. For me since I had so many depression issues I just thought that I had the low side of the depression. After the last couple times speaking to a good friend of mine and just reciently this last week as well after having a bit more time to myself I was wondering,'Maybe it wasn't all the low sides'.
See, I tend to make my anger into saddness. It gather and gathers and I burst into unholdable peaces. I was thinking there for a long time that I did not need any kind of medications. My first doctor I had (which was one out of many the last two years) said that I needed depakote. Well of course I was very bothered about that. Mostly just when he mentioned almost ALL of his patients used it and he was so willing to give it to me, while another said.. just lexapro. Well instead of taking the depakote I did give in and take the lexapro. I had reservations about that also being anti medications, only for the fact that everything is solved with medications now in society that well, who wants to be just another line of people,millions upon millions who are given massively given drugs when so many times they are not the right ones.
Well,I do need it I think. The last doctor I spoke with who helped me and I was very comfortable with said that.. usualy there was a mixture of medications to stablize someone.. not just one. So with lexapro,he would have given me depakote as well which would balance most of my urges and depression and anger issues.
Also, with another something I asked my friend about that I have been so well..she was and is other then my mother the only person I told something too that may be another indication that I have some other or extra hormonal imbalance, and it is a doozie.. well for me it is, visually(something that many women can go through if they have something that could be serious, to test for). I dont particulary want to say here for anyone to see because it is something I have lived with for a long time that only over the past couple years I have noticed become worse and worse. Anyways, She has helped me alot,expecialy through my questions and well, for being such a wonderful person whom I have not always been the greatest friend with..I know she knows and understand how my emotions are something that cant be helped sometimes, and how they swing from one thing to the next.
I just want to tell you, THANK YOU, for being there. You know who you are and I appreciate your friendship more then I can say.
Anyways for this journal entry. Bi Polar is a bitch.. any issue with emotional and mental issues is. I said this before and she confirmed what no one ever could because so many people don't understand what it feels like.. Trying to fight for control over yourself when you know something is irrational can be one of the toughest things. It is one of those silent killers. Hurts you, hurts friends and hurts family. We know we are sane people, but these complusions are at times so hard to over come. These feelings that build up because of one thing or another that you try to fight knowing it is not rational....
For you out there who have friends and family who have issues with depression, manic depression. Help them. They can be the most aggravating person but if they need help try and see what you can do. Look into how you can help. See what doctors say. Go in with them if they need to to see what are options for those people. Understand that. Hey, this is not the true them. You never know.. One helping hand can help that person live another day. Can help them understand that, they are not crazy even if they feel like they are going that route.
Every once in a while I have spoken to someone who has confirmed alot of things for me. Mostly its me trying to cop with my bi polar problems. For me since I had so many depression issues I just thought that I had the low side of the depression. After the last couple times speaking to a good friend of mine and just reciently this last week as well after having a bit more time to myself I was wondering,'Maybe it wasn't all the low sides'.
See, I tend to make my anger into saddness. It gather and gathers and I burst into unholdable peaces. I was thinking there for a long time that I did not need any kind of medications. My first doctor I had (which was one out of many the last two years) said that I needed depakote. Well of course I was very bothered about that. Mostly just when he mentioned almost ALL of his patients used it and he was so willing to give it to me, while another said.. just lexapro. Well instead of taking the depakote I did give in and take the lexapro. I had reservations about that also being anti medications, only for the fact that everything is solved with medications now in society that well, who wants to be just another line of people,millions upon millions who are given massively given drugs when so many times they are not the right ones.
Well,I do need it I think. The last doctor I spoke with who helped me and I was very comfortable with said that.. usualy there was a mixture of medications to stablize someone.. not just one. So with lexapro,he would have given me depakote as well which would balance most of my urges and depression and anger issues.
Also, with another something I asked my friend about that I have been so well..she was and is other then my mother the only person I told something too that may be another indication that I have some other or extra hormonal imbalance, and it is a doozie.. well for me it is, visually(something that many women can go through if they have something that could be serious, to test for). I dont particulary want to say here for anyone to see because it is something I have lived with for a long time that only over the past couple years I have noticed become worse and worse. Anyways, She has helped me alot,expecialy through my questions and well, for being such a wonderful person whom I have not always been the greatest friend with..I know she knows and understand how my emotions are something that cant be helped sometimes, and how they swing from one thing to the next.
I just want to tell you, THANK YOU, for being there. You know who you are and I appreciate your friendship more then I can say.
Anyways for this journal entry. Bi Polar is a bitch.. any issue with emotional and mental issues is. I said this before and she confirmed what no one ever could because so many people don't understand what it feels like.. Trying to fight for control over yourself when you know something is irrational can be one of the toughest things. It is one of those silent killers. Hurts you, hurts friends and hurts family. We know we are sane people, but these complusions are at times so hard to over come. These feelings that build up because of one thing or another that you try to fight knowing it is not rational....
For you out there who have friends and family who have issues with depression, manic depression. Help them. They can be the most aggravating person but if they need help try and see what you can do. Look into how you can help. See what doctors say. Go in with them if they need to to see what are options for those people. Understand that. Hey, this is not the true them. You never know.. One helping hand can help that person live another day. Can help them understand that, they are not crazy even if they feel like they are going that route.
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Sometimes..
Dec. 6th, 2008 | 08:41 pm
mood: 
cynical
Sometimes I wonder to myself, "why". Now there are many reasons for that. Everyone does. Could be once in a while,could be every day, could be every house, or every minute. I know myself do it more often then not. Mostly for insecurity reason. So now I am away from someone who is very important to me and of course those thoughts as before are around. They come and go, they torment me. Purging ones self of these thoughts are not very easy. Though it was eased greatly, coincidence of somethings makes all of those insecurities jump back to the front of the line.
Like. Why, when asking for something so many times , there was always,"something" that would stop it from happening. Then when I stop and no way of being able to do what I wish for.. well.... it happens..Makes me wonder. Why the moment I am not able to , far away, that it happens. I can ask but I know the answer though really it would be an answer that would not please me, or shake those doubts and now here I am writing about my insecurity hoping that it is just that and not because of who I am or who I am not.............
Like. Why, when asking for something so many times , there was always,"something" that would stop it from happening. Then when I stop and no way of being able to do what I wish for.. well.... it happens..Makes me wonder. Why the moment I am not able to , far away, that it happens. I can ask but I know the answer though really it would be an answer that would not please me, or shake those doubts and now here I am writing about my insecurity hoping that it is just that and not because of who I am or who I am not.............
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I GOT A JOB!!!!!
Aug. 29th, 2008 | 04:49 pm
mood: 
giddy
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Grrr!
Aug. 22nd, 2008 | 11:30 am
mood: bitchy
I would love City and or Goverment office to at lest.. which some do.. To say.. " Come at this time because get.. even though we say this and that.. you won't be able to get anything done with what you want with the original times we tell you.. no matter how much you asked previously."
As some people know. I love planning. I planned to go to a county office, state runed I beleive before 1 pm.. which was what I was told.. got there at 10:30 am.. even though with the people I was supposed to see who are to be there til 5 pm 1 pm time was set as the latest. So I get there and every fricking slot is filled up..
For someone like me who stresses easily because I wasted time.. which of course I have lots of and gas which is so fricking expensive and then being told.. sorry come monday but next time.. get here by 7:30 am which I could have been really told better last time at 9:30 pm .
As some people know. I love planning. I planned to go to a county office, state runed I beleive before 1 pm.. which was what I was told.. got there at 10:30 am.. even though with the people I was supposed to see who are to be there til 5 pm 1 pm time was set as the latest. So I get there and every fricking slot is filled up..
For someone like me who stresses easily because I wasted time.. which of course I have lots of and gas which is so fricking expensive and then being told.. sorry come monday but next time.. get here by 7:30 am which I could have been really told better last time at 9:30 pm .
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*Blinks and Bursts out laughing*
Aug. 21st, 2008 | 09:38 am
mood: amused
Sorry Grandma? *dies* come on dood. That was soooo mean. I have seen these videos and they are not pretty.
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*shrugs*
Aug. 15th, 2008 | 10:03 am
mood: depressed
..................
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No Work..
Aug. 14th, 2008 | 02:22 pm
mood: cynical
I need a fricking job.. Yes. I am Picky. I have put out applications, ads(craigslist) , walk ins, calling. *bangs head* Frustrating.. Need something but not anything.